Playing with Fire

 We had a power outage the other night and brought out the candles.  And then the fire play stuff.  Whee! Flash cotton is fun!  Damascus got the hang of fire cupping, too.  We almost didn't get that far, as I was a little skittish, especially because I got burned on a glass cup last time we experimented. Damascus is really not a sadist and while he may be learning to be a reaction junkie, EEP! is not the reaction that does it for him.  I am glad I talked him into continuing, as we had fun.  It reminded me though, that while I love his caring and sensual nature, I do seek the touch of someone more sadistic who is not afraid to hurt me... someone who actually delights in making me EEP and feel scared and hurty sometimes.

Which brings me to thoughts of tomorrow night.  I am hosting another kinky party!  It should be much fun, I have a full house again of people who seem excited to come and play.  Some new friends/ new kinksters are coming. And of course, I have been busy getting all the arrangements made and making sure everyone is ok and I am doing my best to set up the best party that I can.  And after all of that, I have worked on negotiating something for myself.

I have missed playing with Mr. Modulator.  It has been many months, except for a few brief interludes and flirtations.  He can always make me squirm, even from across the room.  But we have not had a *scene* in a long time.  We have never played in public, actually, it has always been private.  Any minor public play has been discreet and hidden.  So I am very excited that we have negotiated a scene together for tomorrow.  Except, I can't really tell you what that scene is.  Not that I am being coy... I just don't know!  We have negotiated a scene with a certain element of fear and surprise, so while some of the set-up details have been made (limits, codes, safewords), I am giving up control to him to do as he wishes.  This excites me more than I can express! He is the Dominant type partner who knows me best, he knows my limitations and how to push them, and I trust him.  This is a challenge that I have been wanting for a long time so I am feeling pretty excited and a bit nervous.

In other thoughts, I had another dinner with Mr. Toy and his lady (she needs a name too, eh?) Doors that I thought were closed are possibly opening, with some hesitation.  I think we are backpedaling now, trying to start over as we moved a bit too quickly to start.  I think there are some good connections and chemistry there, but we need to be patient and careful and very clear in our communications in order to make it safe and sane to proceed.  I really hate the thought that I may have caused some friction (inadvertently) in a good relationship, and I am more than willing to back off.  Sounds like that won't be necessary, which makes me happy, yet cautious. I am certainly sympathetic to the range of emotion that one goes along with opening up to other partners and forming emotions with other people while respecting one's main relationship, and it can be challenging stuff.  But it sounds like there is interest in something, even if it is simply friendship, with possible kinky connections.