Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Bloody Disappointment

Well fuck. That was incredibly disappointing and unpleasant. Damascus and I drove out to kinky class for the after-meeting, but we just missed seeing Mr. Toy (uh, he may need a better name here, but I need to write, not make up names right now). It was frustrating because I had been looking forward to seeing him and being able to reconnect for a few days since we played at the party. This possibility has helped hold off some of the sub drop I have been anticipating, and to have been so close, yet so far... Well, I had a little meltdown. It didn't help that the class tonight was on blood play and I am so disturbingly squeamish about it that we couldn't go on time for the whole class. And the disappointment of not seeing him mixed with feeling jumpy and sickened by the lingering conversations about blood that made me have to leave the room a few times. Ugh, and the one pleasant and enlightening conversation we were having with a new friend was interrupted by the most annoying, egotistical asshole that we call 17Floggers. What a dick. Not a good night, not at all. I started to melt down while hiding in the bathroom for a while, and barely kept composed enough to say goodbye and sneak out. I cried most of the way home... illogical, overly emotional tears that I was ashamed about. Holy hell, I love Damascus, who held my hand and listened and understood and comforted me. He is so amazing to stay by my side on this journey, which seems so fucking crazy at times. I hope to sleep soon, with the hopes that this will pass by morning and the sunrise will bring more clarity.

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