It's been almost eight months since I have written here on this blog. So much has happened. My life pretty much exploded. Relationships ended, some quietly, some disastrously. I broke down into shambles. I cried a lot. I had panic attacks. I got depressed. I wallowed in self pity and loathing. I found out who my real friends are. I realized how many friends I have. I was brave. I faced fears. I grew stronger. I switched. I dated and flirted. I learned some things. I met someone special. I fell in love.
I probably should have been writing during that time. That was the reason to create this blog in the first place...to help me figure things out in my relationships on this path of self discovery. But I let the fear overtake me. It felt too public, too exposed. I already felt like everyone could see my pain. So I found some people to confide in and I muddled through. I might be ready to write again, now that things are a bit more stable. I still have many things to ponder about my life and the role of power exchange within it.
With J, I am starting to explore the concept of power exchange again in a more calm, organic way. We are starting to build a dynamic, but the difference with him and anyone else i have been subby with is that we are first and foremost partners, lovers, and friends. We are starting to figure out how to incorporate his natural dominance and my natural submission into our lives in a way that is satisfying to us both while not taking over the entire relationship in power exchange. Having a loving relationship that has some D/s elements to it is very exciting and it seems to be suiting me very well right now.