Friday, April 13, 2012


Ok, I think this one last post will be the END of my posting about Mr. Toy.  END<<< get it? Because that is a picture of my ass, aka rear end.  See what I did there?  I am hilarious.  Heh, not that you can tell that's even my bruised ass.  My pictures are becoming more and more abstract as I play with photo editing and stuff. What can I say?  I am an artist.  And a bit of a tease.

So I kind of don't really want to write today but I think it is good for me to just purge the rest of this out and move on.  After I prodded the Toy via text message and received the minimal amount of reassurance, I felt better and it helped me out of the insecurities of my Drop.  A couple days later, I wrote a short message to him telling him that I did have an emotional drop after playing, that it kind of sucked, vaguely asking if that ever happened to him or if he had any words of advice.  No response.  At this point, I am not hurt or angry or sad.  I am kind of annoyed.  I am a bit disappointed.  I mean, part of me was hopeful for him as a possible Top/Dom type person to interact with, but the lack of follow up is pretty much unacceptable.  He was communicative enough leading up to playing, so I had false expectations of some ability or interest in following up afterwards.  But I guess that doesn't always happen. 

It is easy for me to worry that I am being overly needy and high maintenance, but now that I am standing in clearer emotional waters, I don't think that I am.  I really do hope I can find people to do kinky play with casually.  But casual to me still means communication and compassion.  I want to play with people who are friends, who care about me throughout the whole process, who want to talk with me just because they care and like me. I am an emotionally and sexually complex intellectual and I need to play with people who can understand and meet me at that level.  That's more important to me than a random fun time at a party. 

Ok, there may be a change.  I just got a message from Mr. Toy's Domme.  Have I mentioned that he is a collared bottom who is exploring his own Top/Dom side?  Heh, I may have left that out.  It is complex.  Didn't I just mention that I am a complex person?  Anyway, she wants to meet for lunch to talk, and she acknowledged that he has been cold to me and that I deserve better, but I have to get to know her better.  Very interesting development!  Just that makes me feel better, although I am very curious what she has to say.  At least I feel like I didn't choose to play with a jerk who dropped communication afterwards.  There may have been more at play. I may have stepped into some protocol issues here.  This is all new territory for me, maybe for them too.  You know what, I am going to publish this post. The way I felt above is good and true, but it may change.  Perhaps I made assumptions too quickly.  Maybe the game is not over, after all. This is real life, and things change, sometimes pretty rapidly and unexpectedly.

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