Photo-Fantasy Challenge, Day Seven

I sat across from the table from him at the busy diner, watching him and squirming in my seat.  I had been anticipating seeing him again for days and now I was horny and distracted.  He was telling me all about his trip, and I wanted to hear about it, but I couldn't stop thinking about how sexy he was and all the naughty things I wanted him to do to me. "Are you even paying attention?", he asked, breaking me out of my daydream.  I blushed and squirmed some more, embarrassed because I couldn't hide my desire very well.  "I think I know what you are thinking about", he teased, leaning in closer, "You are thinking naughty thoughts, aren't you?" he questioned.  I blushed some more and turned my head away, crinkling my nose, unable to make eye contact.  Of course he knew what I was thinking, it was clearly written all over my face.

"Tell me." he said quietly.

I blushed again, leaning in to whisper, "I'm really horny right now."

"Oh yeah? Well you should take care of that. Right here. " he said, grinning and leaning back into his chair, as if he was settling in for a show.

"Yeah, right!" I said, embarrassed.  But as I looked around at how busy the diner was, and looked back at him watching me, clearly wanting me to perform for him, I thought it might not be all that crazy of an idea.  I can orgasm quickly and quietly if I need to do so, especially with how aroused I was at that moment.

A streak of exhibitionism overtook me and I leaned in and told him I was going to do it.  I leaned back, looked around to see if anyone was watching, and discreetly slid my hand into my pants. I felt a rush of naughty pleasure in doing something so dirty in public. I looked around a bit more and when it was clear that nobody was looking, I slid my hand deep into my panties, resting my fingers on my warm clit.  It felt so good and it was already throbbing, so I knew it wouldn't take me long.  The rush of the mix of the thought of touching myself in public and the handsome approving face on the other side of the table brought me to a quick orgasm and my fingers stroked little circles around my clit.  I bit my lip to prevent from moaning too loudly, and closed my eyes to welcome the rush of pleasure that overtook me.

I took a moment to enjoy the swirl of feelings and then remembered where I was.  I opened my eyes and saw him looking at me with a satisfied grin on his face.  I looked around the diner, and it appeared that my little sexual adventure went unnoticed by all the people sipping coffee and eating lunch.  I slowly removed my hand from my pants, brought my fingers to my lips, and licked them deeply while he watched me, smiling in approval.

I picked up my coffee cup, looked intently at him, and asked innocently, "Now, what were you saying?"

Photo-Fantasy Challenge, Day Six

orgasmic eyes

He ran his hand over my breast, lightly grazing my nipple, sending shivers of delight through my body.  He leaned in and nibbled lightly on my neck, his soft lips teasing my delicate flesh.  He worked his way to my ear and whispered, "I want to watch you come tonight."  The very thought warmed me throughout my entire body. "And I want you to watch me watch you.", he continued.  Wait, what?  What did that mean? I wondered.  

The moved his head away, holding me in his lap, still playing with my nipple, with my head resting in his other hand.  He gently flicked at my nipple and I arched my back, my head pressing into his hands as I closed my eyelids as my eyes rolled back in pleasure.  Suddenly, he grabbed my hair and said, "Look at me!"  Surprised, I snapped out of my dreamy state, my eyes opening and locking on his.  He looked very serious.  "But it feels so good!", I said, closing my eyes again, arching back and smiling. "And I want to see it!" he snapped, twisting a handful of my hair again, making my eyes pop back open.  I could see that he was intent on eye contact tonight.  I blushed at the thought of him watching me so intently, and became a little irritated at him for directing how I should enjoy the pleasure he was giving to me.  But I understood that if I wanted more... and I did want more... that I would have to play by his rules.

We continued to snuggle and his hands wandered all over me.  Each time he would gently caress one of my erogenous zones, I would start to melt and forget about the eye contact, slipping into my natural heavy eyelid state of happy warmth.  And every time, the slip was short lived, as he would shock me with a burst of pain to remind me to look at him... a hair tug, a pinch, a sharp bite... each perfectly timed as a reminder of the game we were playing. 

He started to slide his hand into my panties, delicately rubbing against my clit.  That totally made me start to swoon and fall into sleepy pleasure.  He pinched my erect nipple hard, making me yelp.  And then I got frustrated.  I growled at him and clenched my eyes shut in defiance.  At that, he stopped rubbing my clit, which frustrated me more as I was getting close to orgasm.  And he clamped his fingers down on my nipple and twisted hard.  "Look. At. Me.", he demanded.  I held on as long as I could, eyes closed, clit throbbing for more attention, nipple screaming in pain.  I couldn't hold on any more and gave in to his demand, opening my eyes and locking onto his, angrily.

"Aww, what's the matter?  Do you want to come now?", he taunted.  "Yes!", I demanded  "Make me come, please!" I squirmed towards him, trying to maneuver his hand back into my panties.  But he withdrew it completely. "You are going to make yourself come, and I am going to watch you", he said.  He sat back, crossing his arms, assuming a position where he would be able to watch me properly.  I growled at him, frustrated at this twist of scene, but I could tell he wasn't going to budge in this new plan, and I was so close to orgasm that I didn't care anymore.  I resolved myself to do as he wished, and hastily pulled my panties off and spread my legs for him. 

My hand instinctively felt its way between my thighs, settling upon my hot little clit, and I started stroking.  My back arched and head tilted back, eyes closing again.  You would think I would learn! But no, it took the painful twist of my nipple to startle me into consciousness again. "Sorry, Sir!" I pleaded, wanting to please him so the pain would subside so I could finally let the pleasure take over.  I locked my eyes onto his, focused, and concentrated on my orgasm.  My body exploded in pleasure, his eyes staring deeply into my soul, as I gave my all to keep looking at him while the waves of orgasms overtook me.  It was a deep connection that surprised me.  As I fucked myself, the intensity of our locked eyes made me unable to look away, and the orgasms continued further and stronger than I expected, until I was completely satiated with sex.

My heart racing, gasping for breath, and wanting to sleep, I continued to look to him for further commands, but he just sat watching me with a satisfied grin.  As my body relaxed, my eyes became sleepy, but I didn't want to stop watching him.  "Rest your eyes now, Little Miss", he said, and a warmth came over me as I snuggled into his strong arms and into a dreamy sleep.

The photo above was taken in a series of pictures that Damascus took of me while I pleasured myself and had an orgasm.  It was very hot for both of us, and the pictures are both very sexy and difficult for me to look at.  I am only comfortable sharing a tiny portion of one picture here on my public blog.  I just wanted to give you some background so you know what you are looking at.  Yeah, I am kind of a tease like that. :)

Photo-Fantasy Challenge, Day Five

Today I choose to not take a picture and post it. I don't wanna to do it today!  This is me being disobedient, pushing back, stomping my feet, and breaking the rules.  I was given this challenge to make my own challenges this week.  But now I am the one doing the challenging.  I am resisting, as part of this game, and I can be very bratty.  Whatcha gonna do about it?

"So," he said, "I think you did a really great job on the challenge that I gave you."

"Thank you!  It was hard, but I learned a lot from it and I really pushed myself, I think.", I replied.

"Yes, I could see that. Good Girl!", he responded with an approving smile on his face that made me feel all warm.  "But... There is an issue with Day Five. You know what I am talking about, don't you?", he asked, his approving look turning more serious.  "I am going to have to do something about your flagrant disobedience from Day Five."  He looked at me with a sense of mischievous sadism in his eye, as if he was planning something.  I wondered what he was thinking as I blushed and squirmed in my seat. "Yes, I do and I understand," I replied with a sigh that might have been mistaken on the surface for disappointment, but inside there was a quiet excitement growing.

"Your bratty streak really needs to be tamed. You know that the challenge was for your own growth and progress, right?  It was not a punishment.", he said, compassionately.  "But you had to be sassy, didn't you?  NOW you will have to accept your punishment.", he said with a devilish look in his eye.  Of course I knew all of this, and that look and those words were exactly why I carefully constructed the misdeed in the first place.

"Yes, Sir." I said as I watched him stand up and move his chair to the middle of the room.  He sat down and motioned for me to come to him.  I complied, standing before him, hands clasped behind my back, awaiting further instruction.  Without speaking, he tapped his hand on his knee, which I immediately understood as a demand for me to bend over it for a spanking.  My insides started to warm and twitch.  It had been a long time since I had a good spanking.  "Yes, Sir!" I said excitedly, assuming the position.moving to his side.  He reached up my skirt and found the edge of my panties, pulling them down to my knees with one easy movement.  "Bend over," he demanded, which I did without a fight.  He flipped the edge of my short skirt up, exposing my bare ass to the cool breeze.  It wouldn't stay cold for long, I thought.

He grabbed at my hair with one hand, pulling my head up with it, my body arching with my ass reaching out, ready for impact. He lightly brushed against my bottom a few times with his hand, then tapped a little harder with his palm.  It was very erotic feeling and I was starting to feel like my brain was swirling.  My flesh started to warm under his hand after each touch.  Then, suddenly... SLAP!  His hand met my ass with a sharp impact that made me cry out in a strange mix of pleasure and pain.  He gently rubbed the spot for a moment and then slapped again. He tightened his grip on my hair and leaned in, asking, "Do you like that, Naughty Girl?"  I replied with a sultry moan, "Yes, Sir".  He released my hair and replied, "That's my Good Girl"  He continued spanking me, my ass turning warm and pink, as I continued to moan and writhe atop his knee, as I clenched my arms around his legs and felt myself getting wet.  He started smacking faster and harder, the pleasure/pain building up inside me. I felt like I was about to explode so I cried out, "Please, Sir!"  Knowing my signal, he grabbed at my hair again, pulling his mouth close to my neck.  "Come for me", he growled in my ear. 

Of course, I am not one to be disobedient, so I complied with his demand.  Repeatedly.  Until I fell into an exhaused, melty pile on the floor at his feet.

"Very good, my Sweet Slut.", he said, petting me gently as I started to breathe more regularly and come down from my subspace high. "You have made amends for your mistake.  Now I have a new challenge for you..."

Photo-Fantasy Challenge, Day Four

I have been reflecting on the Rope Class we took last week.  Other than the elaborate knotwork and rigging that we saw, one thing I noticed was that a couple of the girls seemed to enjoy being tied up and then took pleasure in getting themselves out of the rope.  While I totally understand the appeal of escaping and playing with that sort of dynamic with the person doing the tying, it seems that is not where my interest lies.  When I have been tied up, it makes me feel very content and obedient and submissive, and I feel myself wanting to stay that way for a long time, perhaps while being teased and usually my thoughts turn to wanting o be fucked while in rope.  So I thought I might use today's fantasy to explore some of those ideas.

I breezed into the room, full of excited and nervous energy.  I was bouncing around, babbling on about nothing important, and fidgeting like a child.  He just stood at the center of the room, arms crossed, watching me silently as I fluttered about.  I finally noticed that he was watching me but not responding so I stopped to get his attention.  I walked right up to him, stood before him, and bounced up and down gleefully.  Of course, this just made him look at me more sternly. 

"Are you almost done, Bouncy Girl?",  he questioned.

"Nope!" I said defiantly and bounced some more.

"You need to learn to be still", he said.

"Show me!" I challenged him.

He pointed over to the floor to the side of him.  "Strip down and stand right here", he barked, startling me.

"Ooh! Yes, Sir!" I retorted, obediently, peeling my clothing off as quickly as possible and stood still, eagerly awaiting his next command, hands instinctively reaching behind my back and settling one atop the other.  I had been practicing stretching into this pose for months, enjoying how instantly content and submissive it made me feel.

He moved to the cabinet and took out a bag filled with rope.  I stood at attention, still bouncing, arms behind my back, watching his every move.  He removed a bundle of bright yellow rope from the bag and moved to behind my back. 

"Oh good, you are in the perfect position", he said, pleased with my stance.  I smiled and bounced a little bit.  "But you need to be still!", he growled, moving in close to my ear and giving a handful of hair a hard pull.  I yelped as he reminded me of his dominance.

He spent the next several minutes passing the rope over my arms and hands, wrapping them together and pulling the rope slowly over my backside as he wound passed the rope around my arms.  The slow, calm movements of the rope sliding over my flesh put me at peace. He wrapped my hands together and started circling the extra rope around my torso, first on one side, and then the other.  He tied the loose ends together into a knot at my belly.  I stood there now, bound, quiet, and happily restrained for him.  As he looked at his handiwork and at my naked body covered in rope, I could see the desire in his eyes.  I started to get wet and moaned quietly, begging him to fuck me.

He pressed me to the edge of the sofa and bent me over the armrest. He spread my legs apart, unlatched his belt, and unzipped his pants.  The sounds of him undressing made my pussy throb and ache for him to be inside me.  He rested his hand on the small of my back and guided his hard cock into me, slowly.  Once he felt how wet I was and how easily he slid in, he knew I was ready for a good fucking, which he gave me, thrusting deeply in and out as I moaned and orgasmed, unable to move, but very pleased at the position he put me in.  I felt him come inside me and heard him groan as he filled my pussy.  He stayed inside for a few moments, spanking each cheek of my ass and then following the smack with a warm pet.  He withdrew and walked away to clean off, and I remained, happily restrained in the moment, our juices flowing together down my leg, happy to be bound in rope.

Photo-Fantasy Challenge, Day Three

on the tip of my tongue

As we kissed passionately, I could feel that familiar ache of my clit, throbbing for the one thing I desired most... to feel his warm tongue between my legs, licking me hungrily. He had me all worked up, he had been kissing my lips and nibbling on my neck, biting at my breasts and sliding his fingers gently up my inner thighs. I was ready to spread my legs and have him bury his face between my thighs. Knowing that he loves to eat pussy, I expected him to start to work his way eagerly down my body, but he had other plans this time, which I discovered as I was getting most turned on.

I was ready for him to take me with his mouth, so I started to press down on his shoulders to guide him there. Feeling this, he stopped what he was doing and asked if I wanted something. I blushed, suddenly embarrassed. "Tonight, i need you to tell me what you want me to do to you", he said, looking me right in the eye, with a seriousness that could not be questioned. He knows that is the hardest thing for me to do! An embarrassed sense of panic started to set in and i started to blush as tears welled up in my eyes. How can someone be so sadistic and yet bring me such pleasure? And why is something that brings me so much pleasure so hard for me to ask for? The words got stuck at the tip of my tongue, or caught in my throat. I wanted to say them, but I couldn't.

He worked his way down my body, licking my inner thigh. "Maybe he is giving me a reprieve", I thought, as I moaned and writhed underneath him as his tongue teased against the elastic of my panties. "Tell me what you want!" he growled. My heart quickened again as I tensed up, realizing that there was no reprieve from his plan, he was going to make me say it if I wanted it... And I Really wanted it. "Please!" i whimpered quietly. "Say it!" he snarled back. "Beg me for it! I need to hear you say it."

"I CAN'T!", I cried out in frustration.

"Why not? Is there something that is blocking you from talking?", he asked. "There's nothing that should be stopping you from asking for it.". I squirmed and grunted and wriggled around, feeling even more frustrated. I growled in anger. Annoyed at this fit of bratty outburst, he grabbed at the band of my panties and yanked them down. Finally, I thought, he is going to give up and just give it to me, now that I am naked.

"ooh look how wet your panties are. You are a horny little slut, aren't you? I will give you what you want, you just have to ask for it, but you act like you can't speak!" he said, as he brought my panties up to my face. " I will show you what it is really like to not be able to speak!" he said, menacingly, as he twisted my nipple hard with his free hand. As I cried out from the pain, he shoved my damp panties into my mouth.

My face burned with the embarrassment of this act, and he quickly strained my wrists as I started to push against him in retaliation. He pinned me down and hovered over me, telling me,"You are not getting my tongue until you tell me you want it, do you understand, my pretty little slut?"

I struggled and fought against him for what seemed like an eternity, but his strength overpowered me. I was frustrated, exhausted, and more horny than ever as I started to resign to the task at hand. My pounding heart started to slow down as the tears started to flow down my face, and I became resigned to give in to his wishes. I nodded my head at him as he asked if I was ready. He slowly removed the panties that were gagging me and looked me in the eyes again. "what would you like me to do?" he asked, firmly and calmly.

"Please, please eat my pussy." I begged, clearly and loudly.

"Good girl!" he said as he loosened his grip on my hands and moved his way down my body, spreading my legs again and finally giving me the reward of what was on the tip of my tongue all night...his tongue on my clit.

Photo-Fantasy Challenge, Day Two

 Today's challenge photo was taken last night, after spending the convention evening with lots of my closest friends.  I wore a long skirt with my cute striped knee socks and bare upper legs underneath.  I brought along red and back Sharpie markers and asked over a dozen of my friends to write an adjective that reminds them of me on my thighs. They didn't have to tell me the word, in fact, I asked them not to tell me. Almost all of the words were written on me while I was in a public area like the hotel lobby, or in a time or place where there was a high risk of being walked in upon during the writing or explanation, particularly by strangers. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing, but it also felt really good.  It felt better with each interaction and word, actually. I described it as a self improvement project, and described more if asked. Almost everyone I asked seemed very happy to participate, and a couple of people politely refused but wished me success in my project. I ended up with 14 words written on me:

1. Sexy 2. Multi-Orgasmic 3. Insatiable 4. Mischevious 5. Adorable 6. Horny 7. Lovely 8. Adorkable 9. Happy 10. Slutty 11. Bootyluscious 12. Effervescent 13. Smirky 14. Naughty

All very revealing and descriptive!  It was really nice to read these words on my flesh, written by new friends and old friends.  Clearly, given the nature of the act and the location on the body, needing for me to hike up my skirt to present my canvas, some of the words were a bit sexually suggestive, which made me happy.  It seems the people who know me best wrote the most sexually charged words. And the more they knew me, the higher up my thigh they wrote. I had words in mind that I had hoped Damascus and Modu would write, and they both did without me telling them, which made me very happy!

 As for the fantasy writing of today's project, I am going to make the decision to skip that part of the challenge today, seeing as the fantasy was lived out to create the photograph.  I think that should go above and beyond the fantasy writing part, don't you?  The idea actually started in a conversation that Hedo and I had the other day, when he suggested that he would ask me to do something like this task at a play party. I have been fantasizing about it ever since, actually. I added the specific task of asking for an adjective, which adds a thoughtful element for me.  I liked the tense moments waiting for my friends to think of their words and the anticipation of feeling the pen on my skin and the surprise of reading the word for the first time. 

I wonder a little bit about variations of this challenge... would asking strangers be harder for me than asking my closest friends?  What if I asked for other types of words?  What if I was written upon while tied up or restrained?  There are lots of possibilities, I suppose.  But honestly, I feel like my interest in this fantasy has been pretty fulfilled by this project.  I feel satiated with the kink of being written upon at the moment, but I am sure another form of this fantasy might form in the future, as I feel very pleased with the result.

Photo-Fantasy Challenge, Day One

Ooh! I have an exciting new project! Before Hedo left for a week long vacation yesterday, he sent me a new challenge. I had asked him for a challenge to do while he was away, but of course I wanted him to think of something creative for me to do. It was kind of a challenge for him from me, actually. I am very pleased with what he asked of me!

So, the challenge for the week is for me to complete a specific task for growth each day in the form of taking a photograph of myself. The photo should be of an embarrassing situation, such as a position, a lack of clothing, doing something that stresses me, or a sexual situation. Then I am to write about it in the positive in the form of a fantasy. The picture is the basis for the fantasy writing. This is great because it gives me a lot of freedom and I can make it as tame or as intense as I wish. And it clearly challenges me, as the thoughts I am already having are making me uncomfortable in the exciting way I have been seeking!

The timing is perfect too, because this weekend is an annual convention that many of my friends attend, so it is full of opportunity to engage myself in situations for this project. Last night, I had the rare opportunity to spend quite a bit of time with Modu and I got to catch him up on all my recent excitement and on this challenge itself. I think he appreciated the efforts that Hedo is taking, and was eager to help me get started on the challenge.

And so it starts with the picture above. This is a dark, blurry, and unclear picture, which I wish was better to look at, but all I had was my crappy cell phone and I wanted to capture the moment. I hope for some more interesting pictures for future posts. Anyway, this is a picture of Modu's hand, slid very high up my thigh. You can see my signature stripey socks peeking out there, by the way. This was taken in a very crowded hotel lobby filled with lots of friends and strangers around.

I chose this picture because this public display of affection made me blush,especially as Modu stared at me in the suggestive way that he does that makes me melt as he slid his hand up my inner thigh, and knowing that he knows how very sensitive that area is for me. It was not just a friendly display of affection like a hug or kiss or touch... It was his ability to remind me of how much he can make me want to lose control to him, so easily. When he is near me, he knows just how to touch me just suggestively enough to make me melt and blush and I know that EVERYONE can see it, so it is embarrassing in such a wonderful way.

My fantasy to go along with this picture is actually a recollection of having the same feeling for Modu at another convention. At that con, he planned to do a little demonstration of some kinky toys and equipment for some of our friends that were curious. I volunteered to be one of his demo bunnies, something that put me way out of my comfort zone and on display (and a little out of the closet) to a few of my close friends. I wasn't sure I would actually be able to go along with it, but that was ok, because there was another girl there wanting to demo, too. It was one of my very first experiences with semi- public play and exhibitionism.

Modu had set up his hotel room with a St. Andrews cross and a massage table full of floggers, paddles, whips, his violet wand, and other kinky toys. Four of my friends were already in the room with Modu and his other demo buddy when Damascus and I walked in. Modu talked for a while about some of the toys and his thoughts on BDSM and then was ready to demonstrate a flogger. He asked for someone to demonstrate on, and I think everyone in the room, including myself, was a little surprised when I jumped up and onto the cross! He casually tried a variety of things on me and I squealed as he struck me with different items in between breaks as he spoke to the others in the room. It was somewhat embarrassing to feel my short skirt flip up as the flogger or his hand hit me while spanking me, but it was also quite a thrill to have my ass exposed in a room with people watching, even if it was rather innocently through my panties. I started to melt and enjoyed myself just enough for it to be thrilling and exciting, but not to get lost too much. He did a little knife work on me and wanted to move onto other things that I was uncomfortable with, so I stepped down and watched the other girl get demonstrated upon. She likes more intense knife play, choking, and electric play, so it was nice to see Modu play with her with those things that made me too uncomfortable.

I played alone with Modu that weekend, with Damascus in the room, and had a lovely experience with a good spanking while restrained, done with a slight Dom/sub flavor and a nice trip to subspace. And when I was all nice and warmed up, Modu left the room and Damascus fucked me. I still fantasize about that whole scene frequently. But it was the first foray into public play that I think about more, and I think it was a pivotal moment in helping me become more comfortable with public play and exhibitionism.

Construction

Moby Dick Anagama Kiln  ::  build in progress  ::  photo source

So I have found myself in the peculiar position of approaching someone and talking with them about the possibility of playing with them in a Dom/sub relationship.  It is a strange thing, partially getting to know someone as a new friend, while considering him specifically as to how he might challenge me in the most personal and intimate of ways.  This process started weeks before the play party, when I noticed Hedo's profile on Fetlife as one of the potential attendees of this party.  At the time, I was seeking out party members and introducing myself, simply to become acquainted with a variety of people so I felt more comfortable at the party.  I introduced myself as new to the scene, and to play parties, and mentioned Damascus and our interests in meeting kinky folks for friendships.  Everyone was very friendly and polite and wrote back welcoming me and encouraging me, which was wonderful.  I had some ongoing conversations, while others fizzled out.  I spoke with dominant men and submissive girls, mostly, with a couple of dominant girls, too.  Of all the introductions, I found more of a connection with Hedo than anyone, and our conversations continued, and he often commented on my pictures and posts over the next few weeks.

When I met him at the party, I was pleased to find that we seemed comfortable chatting with each other.  He is kind of goofy, very chatty and flirty, and warm and attentive.  I watched him have fairly deep conversations with several people, including my two female friends that were at the party, which confirmed many of my impressions and vibes about him from out online conversations and this first meeting.

At one point, a good looking guy who was having a birthday was tied up in front of us, bare bottomed, and everyone was taking turns with birthday spankings.  Hedo told me that I should go and spank him.  I was dreadfuly embarrassed at the thought!  But he continued to encourage me.  "But, I am more of a submissive/ bottom type, I don't want to hit people!", I objected.  He suggested that a good Dom or sub should experience activity from the other side, as an important part of understanding what the other side does.  As I do enjoy getting spanked myself, I thought this was a pretty wise idea to see what it was like to spank someone, but I was still too embarrassed to stand up and do such a thing on my own.  He offered to go with me and spank him at the same time, and I agreed, finding that a very thoughtful act of encouragement.  So yeah, I totally spanked a hot guy on his bare ass... a complete stranger!  And it was fun and I appreciated the opportunity.  And the act confirmed what I already suspected... I am not so interested in the Dom/Top side.  At least not to men... not right now... but Hedo also taught me that it is best to be open minded about likes and dislikes with kink, because it often changes, so I am open to the thought and am glad I tried it.

I already wrote about the rest of my play party experience with Hedo on the blog before, so I won't repeat that here.  Since the night of the party, we have had more conversations, both online and in person.  We had a nice dinner one night, talking about life and relationships and sex for almost four hours.  It was a very friendly conversation, but sort of strange and swirling, as he would start to prod into territory that started to make me blush and uncomfortable... but not too far.  I think he was trying to coax me into giving him a little insight into what I am looking for, both in general with BDSM and kink, and with him in particular.  The conversations circled and made my head spin, but it was a fun game.  I think by close to the end, I had revealed in a somehow concrete way, that I am possibly interested in exploring such things with him.  At that point, he expressed interest in speaking with Damascus, as he wanted to be very clear that my partner was indeed ok with any further exploration.  I found that to be gentlemanly and respectful of my relationship, so I agreed to such a meeting in the future.

We walked to our cars, and there was a very light, friendly kiss and hug, along with some further suggestion and a clear temptation to pull my adorable pigtails.  Oh, so irresistible to dominant types!  It was a very good night!  I followed up with some messages that were a bit more assertive the next day.  It is so much easier for me to write about what I desire than to actually say it.  Of course, there was once a time that I couldn't even write these things... I am reminded of my progress and how much I have grown!  I wanted to try to be more clear about my interest, in case I confused him, as I could see that might be easy to read from me.

Damascus and I met Hedo for pizza and the conversation was comfortable and clear. While I am having the hardest time defining exactly the qualities and activities that I am looking for in a Dom-type play partner, Damascus and I have talked together about limitations and boundaries that we are comfortable with me exploring with someone, specifically Hedo, and I believe that trust element was established between the three of us. The point of the night was that while I may not be able to describe exactly what it is that I want, I can be clear about what is not acceptable in our relationship, and I should be trusted to express it and keep all communication open.

Damascus went home and Hedo and I went on to talk more over coffee.  Alas, the conversation again turned swirly and heady between us, churning into a confusing blend of ideas and images, with me too shy to be as forward as I want to be, and him being patient and perhaps a bit sadistic in forcing me to do the work to guide the conversation to the next level by dancing carefully around my boundaries.  At some points, I think I was able to cut through the confusion and make a few declarative statements that made him grin.  For example, when talking about sexual limitations, I think I made it seem that I didn't seek a sexual element at all, which was false. I stumbled around this subject quite a bit before I think I made it clear the sort of thing I had in mind when I had a moment of clarity and told him that I would like to masturbate in front of him.  Yes, that made him grin.  This is all very much like a game, I think, and he seems to delight in playing, and this process is like constructing the rules to the game.

We closed down the coffee shop after talking for a couple of hours, and he walked me to my car. I could tell he was plotting a challenge for me, one that I eagerly awaited.  He got into my passenger seat and challenged me to take off my top, wearing only my bra under my coat, for the drive home. I was to stop and attempt to make eye contact at each stoplight, to try to get someone to see me in this state, in my sexy red bra. I know that is probably very tame and ridiculous, as it would be barely noticeable on a dark and rainy night, under a big coat, but it was very challenging to me, in a way that I very much wanted, so I did it!  Sadly, I didn't get any lookers (as I mentioned the dark and rain and late night).  I even went the long way home. I did have a bit of a thrill when both a security car passed me at the coffee shop and I passed a police car on the ride home!  I debated stopping at a drive through, thinking that would be an extra thrill that would have shown my acceptance of this challenge, but I chickened out. 

This, and other challenges like it, are exactly the sort of thing I am seeking in this unusual sort of relationship.  When Hedo returns from his vacation next week, we are eager to get together again to explore more!  My challenge to myself over the next week is to become more specific about the types of things I would like to do with Hedo, to explore some of the Dom/sub fantasies that I have such a hard time imagining and verbalizing.  It is a tricky thing, as I am looking for someone to bring me these challenges and play with the boundaries of control.  But I have learned that it is my responsibility as the sub/bottom type to set these boundaries so that they can be played with.  It is a very exciting and delightfully scary time, and I am looking forward to more!

Impressions of Rope

photo source

So Damascus and I went to our first exclusively kinky rope themed event last night.  We met Wolfe and Thyia there and we were expecting to see a few other people that we have met in the kinky classes that we have been taking.  The night started out pretty rough, as we drove about a half hour and found the place, quite out of the way, in a dark and not very nice area.  The event was held in an old motel, the outside of which was rather scary for this suburban white chick.  I was having second thoughts and we spent a while in the car as I wrestled with thoughts of driving back home.  Wolfe and Thyia were not there yet, but we braved the fear and went in anyway.  There were a couple of familiar faces and we got to look around.  The place was being renovated and looked very nice in the few finished rooms, which put me at ease a bit.  

We signed a waiver and stood around awkwardly for a while, and then we went to a smaller room with a couple other newbie couples and had a little demo.  The demo was a little hard to follow, mostly because I was distracted by a phone call from Wolfe trying to find the place, and then the two of them showed up and we were further (but happily) distracted.  We didn't have the right rope and missed part of the demo, so it was slow going, but eventually Damascus got me into a basic single and then double column tie.  My hands were bound behind my back and tied there and I asked to be helped down on my knees and Damascus asked if he could leave me that way so he could check out the other room.  I was perfectly content like that, so he did. I feel very calm and at ease when I am bound by rope.  I really like the feeling.

After that very brief demo, we decided to go watch the more advanced rope workers.  The small room was filled with half naked women and lots of pretty rope and there were a few suspensions that we watched.  Damascus and I took a seat on the floor, shyly getting out of the way to observe.  Thyia was suspended from the ceiling and it was beautiful to watch.  I was fairly content to watch, but I was still a bit anxious about the beginning of the evening and I sensed that Damascus was also anxious.  When I checked in with him, he told me he felt left out, and I figured we would be leaving soon.  But I asked him if we could ask the rigger who suspended Thyia if he could show us some things, and he liked that idea.  The evening got much better from that point.

I had spoken with this gentleman at one of the kinky events for a long time and watched him work and I was fairly comfortable with him by this point.  I asked if he would work with us and he seemed happy to do so.  Then Thyia excitedly suggested that he tie the two of us together, which got him excited, so this was the new plan. He tied her with some twine and then tied her hands together at her chest, she looked like a praying angel.  We soon moved into the main room so we had more room and we got a bit of an audience.  While many of the other girls were wearing very little clothing, I was comfortable in my tank top and leggings.  I do hope that I will someday become more comfortable to play in public wearing less, like a bra and panties, but I need to work up to that.  He tied me up into a rope harness while Damascus watched and learned and then he tied my arms with neon green rope.  I knelt in front of Thyia and he bound us together, my hands raised to touch her shoulders and bound to her back.  I really liked feeling close to her and I enjoyed people admiring the ropework on us.  There were a few pictures taken and then we both worked on wrestling out of our rope.  I had a little help as she grabbed the rope at my wrists as I squirmed out.

I was really pleased that I asked to interact and I think Damascus enjoyed watching the ropework being done.  There was another woman who was doing some beautiful decorative work that impressed us and I got in contact with her for classes, as that is the kind of work Damascus wants to do.  While I enjoy that work and want to explore it,  I am more interested in being bound as a tool as part of my submission fantasies.  Perhaps Damascus can bind me up all prettily and hand me off to someone who wants to do more dominant things to me while I am bound, something akin to an interrogation with a line of questions or statements that would make me squirm. Or I could be tied up and then subjected to orgasm control or denial or some sort of punishment. It's something I think we can play with together.

While the night was supposed to be primarily about rope, there was a little BDSM activity going on with one of the girls getting flogged and paddled and spanked near the end of the night.  We were happily cuddling with Wolfe and Thyia, but I could see a bit of that activity happening, with the girl's pretty ass glowing pink from the spankings and her squeals of pain and delight.  I also noticed part of some Dom/sub play with them and that got my mind wandering again and wanting some impact play myself.  It also reminded me of that D/s dynamic that I have been desiring, which is becoming stronger but is still hard for me to describe.  I have more to write about that, as I have been meeting and chatting with the gentleman from the play party to talk about the possibility of playing with him with this dynamic, which is becoming very exciting to me. 

Two by Four

photo source :: John Gellman

My love, sex, and emotional life has been so fucking amazing and full lately, I haven't had a lot of time to write out my thoughts on recent events.  Also, maybe there is a part of me that doesn't want to overthink things (like I do so well) or do something superstitiously silly like wrecking a good thing by writing about it.  But I have been told by a couple of my decidedly voyeuristic friends and lovers that they check this space regularly because they like to read my thoughts about my journey. And it is good for me to record these thoughts too, so here are a few impressions of my life lately.

I vaguely mentioned earlier that Damascus and I have met a couple and we have been having a great time exploring with them lately. We met and became immediately attracted to Wolfe and Thyia so easily and comfortably.  After a few public meetings after our kinky classes and at munches, we found ourselves being drawn to each other, and slowly the walls that keep people at a distance started to melt around us. I started chatting with Wolfe online and we really connected on an intellectual and spiritual level.  Damascus and Thyia seemed to be physically drawn to each other, and it was heartwarming to watch them start to snuggle and touch and become closer a little at a time in public. After a few weeks of this public flirting and touching, we decided to gather together at my place for some private time.  While I hoped that we all might break some of the sexual tension that night, I was happily surprised that we all very easily and unabashedly began to explore each other, without much concern or worry.  It felt very natural, and it was VERY hot.

We decided to gather together again, a week later, and are planning to get together again, this week.  Suddenly, we seem to have a weekly hot date night!  And we have all talked about the many different ways that we can have fun together. There are so many combinations we are looking forward to exploring. While we have mainly gravitated towards more hetero sex by swapping between ourselves as couples, I am very eager to play with Thyia while the guys watch for a while.  I get so nervous with girls, it has been hard for me to move forward in this desire, but I am ready now, and I feel that she wants me too.  She and I are both excited at the opportunity to have two men to play with at the same time, too. That is a long held fantasy that I never, ever thought I might be able to fulfill, and now here the possibility is available to me. We can fulfill so many FFM and MMF fantasies together, if we can coordinate and give each other time to play and explore our desires. It is fucking amazing, I must say again.

The best part of this new development in our lives is that Damascus now has someone to play with, someone who desires him and who flirts with him.  Oh she flirts heavily, too!  I love it!  He seems really  happy and he is getting a lot of attention.  He has told me that he now understands what I have been feeling in the last few months, at least in terms of the good feelings, the NRE, and is learning about why I have wanted to explore this way. We keep checking in to make sure there aren't any bad feelings bubbling below the surface. Any minor issues we are having are indeed minor, and are discussed and dealt with, and everything just seems very balanced and exciting for us right now.  It is quite wonderful!  I know Damascus looks forward to seeing Thyia again soon, and that pleases me.  All four of us plan to see each other tonight for a class in kinky rope play!  I hope that she and I get tied together by the end of the night... that would be hot.

I have this nice calm, centered connection with Wolfe. Much of the uncertainty and turmoil that I have experienced lately is not tormenting me with the dawn of these new relationships. Also, much of the craziness that I experienced when first meeting Juesance is not present. Perhaps it is because we have a different kind of connection or perhaps I got a lot of my crazy out when adjusting with Juesance.  Actually, I still get a bit crazy for him, every time I am with him (and when I am not with him too), but I think I am getting better as I am learning more about the relationship we have together.  With Wolfe, things seem very clear and warm and I don't have the same sorts of questions.  This may also be that I understand his relationship with Thyia and I feel their bond, and also I feel a more established sense of boundaries.  Our regularly scheduled visits have been very helpful to my ordered mind as well.  I might have thought that getting four people together would be more difficult to arrange than getting two people together, but we all have different motivations and things to do with our time, and right now, the four of us spending time together seems to be a big motivating factor in our lives.  I am going to be sure to enjoy this now while things are so very sexy and wonderful.

Play List

photo source :: Allison Bailey Photo on Etsy

It's been a whole week since the play party and SO much has happened!  But I will try to stay focused here on writing about the party and events afterwards.  First and foremost, we had a great time!  It was a wonderful experience.  Damascus and I were both nervous and spent quite a bit of time being anxious before and during the party, but that is to be expected and we became comfortable and really enjoyed meeting people and watching people play.

I went to the party with an ambiguous checklist of things I hoped to accomplish.  These were not major things, just baby steps.

I hoped I would be able to walk around and hold conversations with people while they might be in various stages of undress, maybe even looking at their naked parts and not dying of embarrassment.  Check!

I wanted to witness some sort of BDSM activity and feel comfortable doing so, without wanting to run away or hide in the bathroom.  Check!

I wanted to expose some portion of my body in public that I have never done before. But hell, I come from such a sheltered place, that might have been my lower back, or upper thigh.  I ended up having my whole back exposed and most of my bottom, with my skirt lifted up and a good portion of ass showing.  While it was getting flogged and spanked!  That's a pretty big Check!

The day before the party, when contemplating what to wear, I settled on fishnets.  When I tried them on the morning of the party, I decided I wanted to experience another thing... to enter the party with them properly intact and leave with them holey and ripped to shreds. Of course, getting this done would have also required that I ask for it. And...CHECK! :)

I also wanted to feel the thud of one of the floggers that Damascus made on my skin, as well as a leather paddle that I bought a few months ago and haven't really experienced much.  This was the most difficult for me, because it meant that I would have to ask someone to do that for me.  I don't think it was cheating that I asked one of my best friends to do it. So... Check!

Actually, it was more involved than just having a friend play with a flogger on me.  We asked a gentleman, who I had met online and who she knew from a previous party, to lend a hand with his expertise. I did not know much of him before the party, only that he seemed to be a dominant type and he seemed very engaging and thoughtful, from the discussion we had online over the weeks leading up to the party. We ended up with a nice little private(ish) lesson, both in Topping for my friend and a peek into my new friend's techniques and philosophy with playing. It was not formal at all, just some light fun with floggers and experimenting with different toys.  Near the end, he took over and played with me a little, too, mostly with floggers and I remember some ice too, but I lost myself a little bit there (in a very good way) so I can't remember all the details.  Also there were people screaming excitedly and throwing candy around, so it's all a little blurry, hee.

In my ultimate and seemingly unrealistic fantasies about the party, I had hoped to experience a some play from someone new, as I have been starting to think about trying to find a Dom type to play with (which is a daunting task). But I clearly didn't expect it at all, because I knew I would have to feel VERY comfortable and I doubted that I would in a party mostly full of practical strangers. While it was mostly an experience in tactile sensations, there were brief moments when I felt the spark of a potential D/s dynamic with him, which excited me.  I held on to those thoughts and fantasized about it a bit while we played, which enhanced the experience. So, that's a huge, unexpected Check!

And I even had some tiny, rumbly, very quiet orgasms during my playtime, which was also very unexpected, considering all the distractions.  Damascus was by my side the whole time and made some new friends and had conversations with others, and I think he was pleased at how fun and comfortable it was.  It was a wonderful experience that I have been curious about for a long time, so I was very glad to have him with me, having a good time too.  I think I will be even more courageous at my next party, and will probably have a new set of check lists!

So my first kinky play party is tonight.  Over the last few weeks while I have been waiting for it I have been nervous, scared, excited, terrified... pretty much every emotion I can imagine.  I have thought seriously about many issues about BDSM and my kinky interests in particular.  I have talked about it in depth with friends and typed hundreds of words about it.  I have met new people that I will see tonight, both in real life and online, in an attempt to know some people before walking into the party cold and a stranger.  And I think, after all of that, I am finally excited and looking forward to the adventure, without all the intense fear and other messy stuff.  I am at least less apprehensive.  At this moment at least.  We will see how I feel in a couple of hours when I am facing eating my dinner with a nervous belly.

I think I am becoming more comfortable in my kinky skin!  I have been more articulate about it and I know and can maintain my limits, yet I am eager to explore and express my sexuality!

It doesn't hurt that today I am flying pretty high on some happy feelings after Damascus and I had a really hot night with a sexy couple that we have been lusting after for a while.  We invited them over for a quiet night alone with us, without expectations of what might happen (but with hopes that something might)  And it did!  I am feeling really happy for myself and also full of happy compersion for Damascus.  And I am swirling with some NRE but it is not the out of control roller coaster that I have experienced before, so I am feeling good but rather calm and level headed.  This puts me in a very good place to go to play tonight!  I am sure I will have some sort of story to tell about the experience next week.