So my first kinky play party is tonight.  Over the last few weeks while I have been waiting for it I have been nervous, scared, excited, terrified... pretty much every emotion I can imagine.  I have thought seriously about many issues about BDSM and my kinky interests in particular.  I have talked about it in depth with friends and typed hundreds of words about it.  I have met new people that I will see tonight, both in real life and online, in an attempt to know some people before walking into the party cold and a stranger.  And I think, after all of that, I am finally excited and looking forward to the adventure, without all the intense fear and other messy stuff.  I am at least less apprehensive.  At this moment at least.  We will see how I feel in a couple of hours when I am facing eating my dinner with a nervous belly.

I think I am becoming more comfortable in my kinky skin!  I have been more articulate about it and I know and can maintain my limits, yet I am eager to explore and express my sexuality!

It doesn't hurt that today I am flying pretty high on some happy feelings after Damascus and I had a really hot night with a sexy couple that we have been lusting after for a while.  We invited them over for a quiet night alone with us, without expectations of what might happen (but with hopes that something might)  And it did!  I am feeling really happy for myself and also full of happy compersion for Damascus.  And I am swirling with some NRE but it is not the out of control roller coaster that I have experienced before, so I am feeling good but rather calm and level headed.  This puts me in a very good place to go to play tonight!  I am sure I will have some sort of story to tell about the experience next week.