Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Orgasm Control

 It's a little blurry how this started. I know I was feeling a bit blue and sort of lost that day. While we were texting, I told him these things, because he asked, and he cheered me up. He told me I should go and make myself feel better by giving myself an orgasm. That was a new twist to our afternoon texts! It caught me a little by surprise. And while I have been very cautious not to be a wet noodle and have been feeling guarded about my subby feelings... there was a very sexy man thinking sexy thoughts about me and wanting me to make myself feel good... and that sounded like a great idea to me. He wasn't some random guy getting my noodles all wet... it was Mr. Toy... and I have already been dabbling in these subby feelings for him. There is something very undeniably erotically exciting about being commanded to masturbate, even though, at this point, it was more of a suggestion. So I guess that is where it started.

And so I took myself to bed and stripped down and settled in with my vibrator.  He gave me a fantasy to think about and I orgasmed right away. He praised me and I got up and dressed and went back to work. A few minutes later, he suggested I try for another. Really? Hell, why not? I thought.  I had a really hard day the day before and some self love helped a few minutes ago, so why not try again? And did I mention how hot it is for someone to command that I masturbate?  This time still wasn't a command, but clearly, after I just had one, it was a little more than a suggestion.  It was a push, perhaps a little show of power, maybe something to fuck with my mind and body a bit, from the safety of a text message.  Whatever it was, I went back to bed, pulled my pants down, and went another round.  And it was good!

Over the next few days, the texts became less like suggestions and more clear that he was taking charge of my orgasms (at least the ones I was having on my own... not the ones that involve my relationship with Damascus).  And I was letting him. We didn't sit down and have a long conversation about it, about his intentions and plans.  We didn't negotiate this.  It just started to happen, and it's so organic and thrilling and I think it's something I felt I have wanted to try for a long time but didn't quite know how to ask.  And it feels more fitting that it simply be required of me, in the right place, at the right time, instead of me having to actually ask for it.

One day he pondered whether he should "let" me cum that morning.  Which almost made me orgasm from the thought.  Luckily, he did let me.  And each day he has had something new to add. He has given me fantasies to think about while I play with myself.  He has required that I tell him a fantasy before he lets me cum.  One day after a few very sexy messages back and forth, I was so turned on, I felt like I might be able to squirt, and told him so, and he told me I should try. And I tried my new Hitachi attachment and holy shit, I did it!  By myself!  He wanted photo evidence of the mess I made, which I obediently provided.  He told me to taste it, which I also did, diligently. Today he insisted that I needed to squirt again, and I was worried I might not be able to do it on command.  But I did (and in a very big way), and perhaps it was the command that made it happen. One day he let me orgasm twice in the morning, but denied me anymore for the rest of the day until we planned to see each other at a play party that night.  Alas, our plans were foiled by sinus problems, but he gave me permission to orgasm as many times as I could that night, which made me look forward to my evening even though it was not going to be spent with him.

And so now we are talking alternately about chastity devices and being denied orgasms and training me to have orgasms on command (and in public) and I am really cautiously excited about what might become of these conversations and flirtations. While also being a little guarded because I am still feeling a bit sore and abandoned because of the changes with Hedo, who I had hoped to play with in this way. But I want these things so much, and I want someone who wants to do them with me, someone who will explore with me. And so I am enjoying these moments, trying not to worry or do all of the overthinking that I am prone to do, and yet still being careful not to let myself get hurt.

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