Hedo hosted a party at the kinky bed & breakfast house last weekend that was intended to connect his swinger friends and kinky friends. Some of the swingers were curious about BDSM and the things he does, so the party was sort of an introduction for them.
I had been nervous about going to this party, as I have some mixed feelings about swinging and swingers, from a personal standpoint. While I support people and their consensual sexual choices and freedoms, I feel personally challenged by swinging, probably because I am less free with my affection and sexuality, and I am comfortable with that as my own choice. But I wanted to be more comfortable around swingers, without becoming one of them myself, so the party was a good exercise for me.
It's funny that I have become comfortable at this place now, getting naked, expressing my kinkiness, letting (carefully selected) people handle me in unusual ways (often with scary toys, or at least with sadistic looks) while others watch. And yet, the thought of being flirted with and perhaps asked for intimacy or sex was terrifying to me.
Perhaps I was scared of having to reject someone, or having to really assert my boundaries. Would swingers have similar ideas about consent and safe words as kinksters? Would I be expected to kiss or play with or fuck someone? It was all new to me, and I was rather anxious about it.
As it turned out, I think they were more afraid of me (not ME, peronally, but me being one of the BDSM elements to this gathering) than I was of them. Some of the other kinky folks didn't show up, which seemed to leave me as the lone eager bottom-type, wanting to to kinky stuff. And several of the swingers apparently freaked out and were scared off (according to Hedo) before they even came to the party. So it was a small party with mostly people who were not terribly interested in kink or were very nervous about it. Hedo and I did a little bit of playful sorts of things and I was willing to demo, but there just wasn't a lot of interest. Even the electrical play, which is fun to watch and usually gathers a crowd, made the whole group run to the other side of the room.
It was really strange to feel like the Extreme Kinky Gal at the party. Usually in this space, I am the newbie, the one who has little experience and is a little scared. I took my top off early on for some silly wax play with Hedo and his wife, and that freaked one of their friends out. She left shortly afterwards. I don't think it was the wax or the boobies, I think it was Hedo at my knees, while I was laying down, slapping at my crotch with a paint stirrer and poking at me with a knife while I orgasmed and screamed and his wife yelled at him for "hurting me". It was quite goofy and fun, but it did involve dominance and impact and knives. That *might* have scared her away. Heh.
After the wax play, I walked around topless. In a room full of clothed swingers. And I felt really exposed and vulnerable. Not just because my tits were hanging out. I wondered what they thought about me. Did they understand me? Did they understand my cravings, not for sex, but for submission and pain and kinky play? Could they comprehend the way Hedo expressed his dominance and how I reacted? It was different than the flirty, kissy, cuddly things that they were all doing together. He and I are much less like that. I respond better to him grabbing and pulling my hair and restraining my wrists than I would a snuggly nibble. I put my top back on and tried my best to mingle with them, but mostly felt like an outsider.
Later in the evening, Hedo tied me to the rope wall, and told me he was just going to leave me there for a while, which appealed to my wish for restraint and submission. And then I saw him whispering with a lovely lady that I had met at another of his events, one that I knew to be sort of switchy and liking to bite and scratch. He walked her over to me, and she looked a little embarrassed. Hedo told her a bit of what I am into and he told me a little about her, and we negotiated a bit. And he left her to nibble and work me over, using me as a chew toy and a scratching post. I talked to her a bit as she bit at me, and she seemed amazed that she was allowed to do such things to me. I asked her to spank me, which was new to her, and I think we both liked it. She mentioned it being weird because she usually gets in trouble for such things like biting or scratching too hard. I really enjoyed myself and loved having a sexy lady have fun feeling her nails and teeth press through me while I squirmed and got off. Hedo returned after a while and finger fucked me until I had a huge wet orgasm there, clinging to the wall, sexy lady holding me up while I writhed and responded to both of them. Very hot scene! And very unexpected, given how the rest of the night had gone.
It was a very strange night indeed. I don't think I am so afraid of swingers and swinger parties anymore. But I realize that kinky comes in all flavors. And while swinging might be kinky in itself, as it is outside of the traditional sex/relationship world, it might not have much to do with BDSM. There will always be crossover, but I think the approach to sex is quite a bit different with swingers, and I am glad to have gained more understanding with this event.