Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Submissive Floodgates

The private times I have spent with Hedo have been times that are difficult to write about. They are so very intimate, very personal exchanges that are near to sacred to me. It has been challenging to write, but I wanted to share a little bit about our last exchange though, as it has had me obsessing and fantasizing about it since we were together.

This was the night of the important talk that we had, where we tried to clarify our relationship and decided that we wanted to put the energy and effort into a deeper D/s exchange. Even though our conversation ended on a positive note, he told me he was going to go home, so we could think on these things, and not just rush into sexyfuntime out of habit.  It was crushing to think of that happening, as I had been looking to connect with him for weeks, and was really wanting an intimate connection after the talk we had.  I reasoned, and probably begged a little, and he decided to come over to my house, where I had arranged for us to have alone time.

We settled in a bit, got some water from the kitchen. He joked about orgasm denial as he threatened to leave now that I was worked up. oh, haha. But that was what was in store for me that night.  He had me go and put on some comfy clothes and bring out my favorite sex toy and told me that he was going to watch me masturbate.  I did as I was told and came back to the couch and snuggled up. Then he gave me further instruction.  He wanted me to play with myself until I was just ready to orgasm, and then stop.  I wasn't allowed to orgasm until he said so. With every time I did that properly without getting off, he would take off one item of clothing.  If I did come without permission, he would put his clothes back on and we would have to start all over.  This was the game for the night, and I was all in.

So, I was very turned on, so getting myself near orgasm was not difficult.  I just needed my fingers.  The Hitachi Wand I brought out would have been serious overkill.  Just a minute of light touching, and I was writhing and ready to come again.  He seemed to understand this and made it more challenging.  Once his pants came off, I lost a lot of sense of what was happening.  It involved him continuing to warn me not to orgasm, and then there were a series of numbers.  He would order me to tell him a number, and that would correspond to something he would do to me.  Choosing the number 1 got me 1 inch of his cock in my mouth, for example.  That being not nearly enough, I took more, and got slapped for it, which made me want it even more.  Choosing the number 4 got me 4 fingers in my pussy.  But when only 3 would fit, he let me know that I got the fourth one in my ass.  I squirmed, his cock in my mouth, trying not to orgasm, as he was filling all my holes and calmly making his demands, altering the game, and changing the rules as we went.

Finally, sensing I couldn't take anymore of this mixed up game, he allowed me to orgasm.  But not before he rewarded me with a mouthful of his own orgasm.  THAT was the reward I needed to allow myself to come.  And I did, in waves.  I squirted and felt the hot liquid running between my thighs and down my ass onto the blanket I had wisely put beneath me before we started.  He released me and I was still shuddering, and I felt more orgasms coming.  While my mind was mostly elsewhere in a happy subspacey goo, I was keenly aware of the wetness that would be soaking through to my new sofa.  As he got up and moved away, I slid myself onto the floor, spreading the blanket below me.  I wondered about my newfound squirting ability and how long and how much I could come this way.  I got on my knees and started to bear down, the memories of our exchange filling my head, wave after wave of orgasm pulsing through me, wave after wave of hot liquid gushing from between my legs.  I opened my eyes at one point, and saw him, sitting across from me, naked with a twisted grin on his face, relishing my continuing orgasms that he started.  It was amazing, it just kept coming out, I wasn't even touching myself, and he wasn't touching me. I finally collapsed in a puddle of my own juices, curled up on the soaked blanket.  He got me a towel and helped me clean off, and set me back on the couch to rest.

This is a fun and sexy story to me... It's full of all sorts of kinky hot fodder for fantasy, which has been recurring in my own head since it happened.  But it is more than just a hot, sexy time.  This sort of exchange is significant to me because the intimate time I spend with Hedo has been about me exploring an increasingly submissive state with him.  From the time he arrives and takes charge in our private moments, I give myself to him, and I do it emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually (which is the biggest challenge of all for me). This is different from the fun subby times I have at parties and that I have played with others. Nothing has been to this depth, to this extent. This is a true submission.  I trust him with my fantasies and to listen to all the things I tell him and to use that knowledge on me, sometimes in most unexpected ways, because I seem to learn best with a mind fuck . When I submit to him, I lose all of these worries and cares and I allow myself to let go and to be his good sexy girl, or whatever he wants from me that night, knowing that he will make me feel like a twisted slutty princess, and he will do that while wanting me to be safe, be strong, and grow.

We are just at the very start of this Dominant/submissive journey together.  These few, rare exchanges are my proof that the time and energy we put into this relationship are meaningful and important to my personal growth. I would hope he feels that he is gaining something as well, but my insecurities only see my own gains, and not his as easily.  Again, I have to trust that this is mutually beneficial.  Maybe the main benefit is him causing a cute girl make a huge squirty mess all over her living room floor, but I know it goes deeper for him as well. And there is a depth of fantasy and soul searching and self discovery wherein the floodgates have just been opened. And I am eager to explore much more.

No comments:

Post a Comment