When I get really into something, I tend to dive in deep. I know this and try to be careful not to obsess or get too deeply tied up into something that is not worth my time, or something that may end up hurting me in the end. I don't always succeed. And sometimes, I get involved in something, and it's right, but maybe my timing is off. That is a little bit of how I feel about an event I planned for tonight. See, after attending THREE whole play parties (and countless other kinky discussions, classes, and events too) I have decided to throw my own play party. And I wanted to invite friends who had never been to one before. And some friends who are new to kink, even newer than me. I got this idea from Hedo, who had a really great experience doing the same thing for his kink-curious friends. But I underestimated that perhaps he is more experienced, social, and confident than me and of course his party was a success because of these things. I am less experienced, social, and confident but dammit, I am enthusiastic, and that has got to count for something, right? It may have been premature and I may have not been completely ready for what this event ended up involving.
The road to this party has been interesting. There has been disagreement, confusion, and anxiety between some of my friends. Sometimes between the friends and myself, sometimes within their coupled relationships, sometimes internally on an individual level. Juesance pointed out that an invitation to a party of this nature has the ability to stir up a whole lot of emotions that are unexpected. And here I am with a big old kettle and wooden spoon, ready to spank someone with it! heh.
I have learned a lot from the last few weeks from the reactions and conversations with my friends. I have learned that I have made substantial progress in my desires to be more sexually expressive. I am more confident in expressing my kinky interests and playing in public. I have tried to learn to be encouraging and not judgmental about other people's kinks and sexuality and body image issues, without being overly pushy or pressure inducing. I have learned that when others talk with me about my kinks and sexuality, it might get them thinking about their own, or might start a conversation between them and their partners, and that can be a good thing or a bad thing, but it is their thing. I may have been a catalyst of thought or discussion, but I am not necessarily involved any further, with people who are not my own partners.
But even after some of the additional stress that this party has brought into my life unexpectedly, I don't regret it at all. Of course, the party hasn't happened yet, but I truly believe that the issues that have already happened were because of the anticipation, and once the party starts and the initial discomfort wears off, my friends will have a great time. The plan is to relax, talk and laugh together, with the opportunity for curious people to try some fun stuff that feels good (or hot or ouchy or tickly or weird!).
I am very excited to dive into tonight!