Fun kinky things on Etsy! Spinning BDSM Bondage Wheel by bondsofsteel
Things have been a little cold and dark and heavy here on the blog lately, which is unfortunate, because it is not really an accurate temperature of the current state of the Anagama mind. I am actually really happy lately! There have been a few setbacks and emotional dips, but I am generally very calm and content, feeling less of the emotional highs and lows that I have felt over the last few months. I am meeting a lot of like minded people and having really great conversations about love and sex and kink and poly, and I am starting to really understand myself and feeling more comfortable exploring. Sometimes the exploring triggers some difficult emotions, which I tend to purge here on the blog, because that is cathartic for me. I think I have had some of the darkest and deepest triggers pressed lately, but I am getting through them, which tells me that I am doing really well and am healing in some of those very dark places. But yeah, it makes it seem pretty dark overall, I think.
So, let me try to lighten up and think about more fun stuff! Lately, I have been meeting kinky people! Lot of really wonderful, open minded people who seem so comfortable with their kinky desires and willing to talk about them freely. Sometimes, they ask me what my interests are, but I get all shy and quiet. Partially because I am too nervous to say and partially because I can't think or verbalize it yet. My head spins, like it would from being on that Bondage Wheel above (which looks both terrifying and yet I am strangely curious about it, perhaps because it is terrifying!) Some of the askers are strangers, so that makes sense I feel shy, but some of them are very good friends who I want to talk to and share with, but still get hung up. I know there are things that I am definitely interested in and know that I like, and there are things that I am curious about. I thought if I wrote them here, it might help me remember something to say if asked again, if I felt comfortable sharing. So here goes:
Some basic things I have tried and really like on a physical level:
having my hair pulled and being led around by my hair
being scratched with fingernails, leaving marks
spanking with open hand, some paddles and crops and belts
flogging of the bottom and back
light grasping of the neck and throat
pinching especially nipples and back and bottom
playful light restraint and struggle
So, sadly, we did not get the invite to the play party that we wanted to go to. I had been really looking forward to it as I have been wanting to learn about more kinky things that I might be interested in and I was looking forward to the opportunity to possibly play with some of the things above with new people, and (perhaps even explore other things I didn't think to list up there). I am starting to feel comfortable with experimenting publicly, while clothed, in a playful and exploration friendly environment. My curiosity is really becoming intense and I am finding myself really wanting to play and have fun with these things!
Additional curiosities that I have not explored much but that interest me:
I would also really like to play with rope and pretty ropework bondage things and would also be open to that in a public setting, but only with Damascus... I think we have designated that as "our thing" for now, although I think having a mentor guide and help would be acceptable.
Clothespins and clamps, Whartenberg wheels, role play, ball gags, blindfolds, knife play, lingerie and sexy clothing play, and I am sure this list will grow as I learn more. :)
Bondage Arm Warmers by ZenAndCoffee on Etsy
While I think the physical activities listed above would be things I think I could play with experimentally with someone trustworthy at a play party, what I am really interested in are the more psychological aspects of some kinky activities. These things are clearly on the submissive side of the spectrum, which makes me feel vulnerable and understandably careful. These are things I would only be interested in doing with someone I really trust and have chemistry with. Perhaps playing with the above things would lead me to find out a little about the trust and chemistry I might have with someone, which could lead to the other things? Probably after much negotiation and talking.
Psychological kink interests include:
Speech play, which includes dirty talk, being forced to repeat things, being forced to say what I want before it is done to me. Also begging.
Eye contact, mostly in forcing me to make eye contact. Also mirrors, to force me to look at myself.
Exploring my ability to have orgasms that do not involve stimulation of my genitals. I want to learn all about the things that can get me off! Sensory deprivation might be interesting here, to amplify one sense over the others.
Restraint of the hands and/or legs, being forced to sit or stand or kneel in a still position while teasing, some physical play, or speech play goes on
Following directions, taking lessons, being told what to do, especially things that are somewhat sexual, like the dirty talk or stripping or touching myself (forced masturbation could be hot). Failure to do as told properly leads to...
Discipline and punishment. I guess this is the important kink, one that is most private and guarded. And I have specific needs for being punished, mostly in wanting the reason to be something that challenges me. I want to be punished for being too shy or bratty or prudish, when I am hiding behind those things in fear of my sexuality. I do not want to be punished for being slutty or sexual, I want to be rewarded for that. It's tricky though, because is a spanking a punishment or a reward? I guess it depends how we play, but attention to this detail is important, psychologically.
Orgasm control. Either making me not orgasm at my every whim so as to build up to a larger one, or making me orgasm as much as I can. Making me count them is pretty fun, especially when I lose count.
Exploring various types of power play and mental subspace and mind-fuckery. I guess the ultimate desire is to allow someone inside my head to poke around at the dark bits and make me look at them and deal with them, while making me feel safe and cared for.
Things have been a little cold and dark and heavy here on the blog lately, which is unfortunate, because it is not really an accurate temperature of the current state of the Anagama mind. I am actually really happy lately! There have been a few setbacks and emotional dips, but I am generally very calm and content, feeling less of the emotional highs and lows that I have felt over the last few months. I am meeting a lot of like minded people and having really great conversations about love and sex and kink and poly, and I am starting to really understand myself and feeling more comfortable exploring. Sometimes the exploring triggers some difficult emotions, which I tend to purge here on the blog, because that is cathartic for me. I think I have had some of the darkest and deepest triggers pressed lately, but I am getting through them, which tells me that I am doing really well and am healing in some of those very dark places. But yeah, it makes it seem pretty dark overall, I think.
So, let me try to lighten up and think about more fun stuff! Lately, I have been meeting kinky people! Lot of really wonderful, open minded people who seem so comfortable with their kinky desires and willing to talk about them freely. Sometimes, they ask me what my interests are, but I get all shy and quiet. Partially because I am too nervous to say and partially because I can't think or verbalize it yet. My head spins, like it would from being on that Bondage Wheel above (which looks both terrifying and yet I am strangely curious about it, perhaps because it is terrifying!) Some of the askers are strangers, so that makes sense I feel shy, but some of them are very good friends who I want to talk to and share with, but still get hung up. I know there are things that I am definitely interested in and know that I like, and there are things that I am curious about. I thought if I wrote them here, it might help me remember something to say if asked again, if I felt comfortable sharing. So here goes:
Some basic things I have tried and really like on a physical level:
having my hair pulled and being led around by my hair
being scratched with fingernails, leaving marks
spanking with open hand, some paddles and crops and belts
flogging of the bottom and back
light grasping of the neck and throat
pinching especially nipples and back and bottom
playful light restraint and struggle
So, sadly, we did not get the invite to the play party that we wanted to go to. I had been really looking forward to it as I have been wanting to learn about more kinky things that I might be interested in and I was looking forward to the opportunity to possibly play with some of the things above with new people, and (perhaps even explore other things I didn't think to list up there). I am starting to feel comfortable with experimenting publicly, while clothed, in a playful and exploration friendly environment. My curiosity is really becoming intense and I am finding myself really wanting to play and have fun with these things!
Additional curiosities that I have not explored much but that interest me:
I would also really like to play with rope and pretty ropework bondage things and would also be open to that in a public setting, but only with Damascus... I think we have designated that as "our thing" for now, although I think having a mentor guide and help would be acceptable.
Clothespins and clamps, Whartenberg wheels, role play, ball gags, blindfolds, knife play, lingerie and sexy clothing play, and I am sure this list will grow as I learn more. :)
While I think the physical activities listed above would be things I think I could play with experimentally with someone trustworthy at a play party, what I am really interested in are the more psychological aspects of some kinky activities. These things are clearly on the submissive side of the spectrum, which makes me feel vulnerable and understandably careful. These are things I would only be interested in doing with someone I really trust and have chemistry with. Perhaps playing with the above things would lead me to find out a little about the trust and chemistry I might have with someone, which could lead to the other things? Probably after much negotiation and talking.
Psychological kink interests include:
Speech play, which includes dirty talk, being forced to repeat things, being forced to say what I want before it is done to me. Also begging.
Eye contact, mostly in forcing me to make eye contact. Also mirrors, to force me to look at myself.
Exploring my ability to have orgasms that do not involve stimulation of my genitals. I want to learn all about the things that can get me off! Sensory deprivation might be interesting here, to amplify one sense over the others.
Restraint of the hands and/or legs, being forced to sit or stand or kneel in a still position while teasing, some physical play, or speech play goes on
Following directions, taking lessons, being told what to do, especially things that are somewhat sexual, like the dirty talk or stripping or touching myself (forced masturbation could be hot). Failure to do as told properly leads to...
Discipline and punishment. I guess this is the important kink, one that is most private and guarded. And I have specific needs for being punished, mostly in wanting the reason to be something that challenges me. I want to be punished for being too shy or bratty or prudish, when I am hiding behind those things in fear of my sexuality. I do not want to be punished for being slutty or sexual, I want to be rewarded for that. It's tricky though, because is a spanking a punishment or a reward? I guess it depends how we play, but attention to this detail is important, psychologically.
Orgasm control. Either making me not orgasm at my every whim so as to build up to a larger one, or making me orgasm as much as I can. Making me count them is pretty fun, especially when I lose count.
Exploring various types of power play and mental subspace and mind-fuckery. I guess the ultimate desire is to allow someone inside my head to poke around at the dark bits and make me look at them and deal with them, while making me feel safe and cared for.
Kinky Chain Canopy Bed by TheWelderGirl on Etsy
Something I am still confused about is the intersection of sex and kink. I think that comes from having or having had a sexual relationship with all of the partners that I have had kinky time with. I understand that many people play kinky for kink's sake and do not require more sexual contact to be satisfied. All the things I listed above and are most interested in are not traditionally sexual. I can probably orgasm from any of the things listed, though, so it IS sexual for me, just not in a way that requires nakedness or exchanging of body fluids. I would like a play partner that would not have the expectation of more overtly sexual activities, but I wonder how that works and what they get out of it. I have experienced this already with one partner, but I want to make sure that he is not an exception to the rule. I guess these are questions I should be asking some of the people I am meeting, particularly those of a more dominant persuasion. I guess that is my new homework, to learn about the other side of the spectrum.
Something I am still confused about is the intersection of sex and kink. I think that comes from having or having had a sexual relationship with all of the partners that I have had kinky time with. I understand that many people play kinky for kink's sake and do not require more sexual contact to be satisfied. All the things I listed above and are most interested in are not traditionally sexual. I can probably orgasm from any of the things listed, though, so it IS sexual for me, just not in a way that requires nakedness or exchanging of body fluids. I would like a play partner that would not have the expectation of more overtly sexual activities, but I wonder how that works and what they get out of it. I have experienced this already with one partner, but I want to make sure that he is not an exception to the rule. I guess these are questions I should be asking some of the people I am meeting, particularly those of a more dominant persuasion. I guess that is my new homework, to learn about the other side of the spectrum.
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