I have been browsing the pictures on FetLife lately and have really been struck by the beauty of the rope bondage. I have seen a little bit of it before and it has interested me, but I haven't spent much time really studying it and thinking about it until recently. And now that I have discovered so many beautiful examples, my mind has been wandering lately to fantasies about being tied up and bound.
I am an artisan by trade and spend all day long working with my hands. If I am not doing something with my hands, I get rather fidgety. This is good for my career, because I am always wanting to work, but when I am not working, I probably appear jittery and neurotic, as I try to sit still or spend my time obsessively puttering with things in order to fulfill my compulsions to do something with my hands. On occasion, when I am working very hard, my hands get tired, or at least I feel like I want a break. I am usually not wise enough to allow myself to take breaks and to spend time being still, but I am learning. One of the important things I have learned about myself with BDSM is how much I enjoy the moments of stillness, quietude, and inactivity. In fact, I take great pleasure in them, but I don't often give myself time or permission to enjoy these things in my busy daily life.
I think this is part of my interest in BDSM... I seek it as a way to escape sometimes...as a way to take a much needed break. I almost have to force myself to take the time out for myself, which is difficult especially when I am very busy. And once I have given myself permission for the off-time, I have enjoyed giving up further permission to my play partner to demand that I hand over control to him, making me stop worrying about my life and work woes for a short time, stop fidgeting, and focus entirely on the pleasure and pain of that very moment. I find myself craving this more and more lately, and I am trying to acknowledge the craving and pursue it as ethically and honestly as I can. Perhaps I hope that the practice of bondage will help me train myself to sit still... maybe it could prepare me for meditative activity. I think sometimes it helps me to give someone the permission to force my hand (or my will) so that I can learn more clearly.
I think I will start to ask for some elements of bondage to be incorporated into play. And one day, I would like to try to try to be still enough for some of the more elaborate rope bondage that I have seen. Damascus has shown an interest in ropework as well, and while he doesn't seem to care for many of the DS elements of kink that I crave, he does like things that are sensual and beautiful, so this might be something that we can enjoy together.
I dream of the experience of being bound beautifully in rope, my hands and mind quieted and at peace.