Thursday, September 1, 2011

Feeding the Fire

In ceramics, the Anagama kiln is an ancient form of firing pottery. It is a complex firebox, requiring an intuitive approach to firing as well as constant stoking and special attention. The kiln is volatile and often unpredictable, but with patience and care, it is capable of producing treasures of amazing beauty.

I have chosen the name Anagama to write under because I relate to the mysterious ancient kiln. I find the word to be beautiful and sensual. Also, I am a ceramic artist, making my living working in clay. Clay is my life, and I see the kiln as a symbol of beautiful power, one that transforms the most base of materials into something new and beautiful. It seems natural that I would relate to a thing of such power and that it would become a symbol for myself as I explore my own views on similarly fiery subjects in my life.

In the last few years, I have been exploring new relationships and ideas about my sexuality. This has been challenging, difficult, emotional, heartbreaking, and blissful. I have a lot of questions, mixed feelings, and confusing emotions swirling through me.  My hopes are that journaling these ideas and thoughts will help me explore these things in a more productive way.  I intend to write about my thoughts about relationships, ethical non-monogamy, my bisexuality, and interest in BDSM and other sexual treasures. I hope that sharing some of my struggles with my sexuality, which I stifled and kept secret for many years during an unhappy marriage, will help me become more healthy and whole again. 

I am writing this journal as a gift to myself on my journey of self discovery.  I choose to share it (albeit anonymously) because others may be seeking out some of the same thoughts and ideas.  I have spent much time in the last few years reading what others have written about some of the same issues that I have experienced, and it has helped me tremendously.  If you know me in real life, please be discreet with your knowledge connecting me to this blog.  While I am working on becoming more open and honest with my life, I also value privacy.

If you have thoughts, comments, or support to share, please feel free to leave me comments on the posts.